His Only Time
by RainaParker
Summary: It didn't matter how sore or tired he was or that his head might literally pound off his body because his phone told him to be on base in an hour. Sequel to The Hundred Yard Headache. Physical and emotional whump for all.
1. Chapter 1

It started with a headache that he attributed to stress. It wasn't exactly the first time he had woken to his head pounding so hard he wanted to cry but he hoped it would be the last. He was sore but that's what you get when you let Sonny plan your workout at the gym or let Clay set the pace while running hills. Trent swore the Kid could outrun Cerb if he had to and laugh while doing it. It didn't matter though how sore or tired he was or that his head might literally pound off his body because his phone told him to be on base in an hour. He wondered while pouring just a tiny bit of powdered vanilla cream into his scalding hot coffee what far flung hell hole he would land in during the next day or so. Knowing it ultimately didn't matter he threw together his crap into the largest bag he had and walked out of his house wishing he could crawl back into his bed instead.

It was about two hours later that Trent realized that while he had been present at the briefing he had literally no idea where they were going or what supplies would be necessary. He could ask any member of Bravo if he wanted to alert them to his clouded thinking or he could ask Davis... and Davis it was. She looked at him with concern but let it pass as she simply said "Syria" and walked away. That settled that and he began to pack his personal and medical supplies.

Shit it would be hot... too hot already he dreaded the oven like temperatures he knew were coming. Sweat dripped from his forehead and he again wished he could just go home. The headache he was sure would subside instead felt like a thousand camels were stampeding his brain. Today, tomorrow, and most likely the next day would surely suck.

"Trent, Trent, hey brother... you okay?" Ray was staring at him and now so were Clay and Sonny. "Didn't seem like you heard me, you good?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm good... allergies have my ears plugged up." Maybe it truly was just allergies because he had legitimately not heard Ray until the 2IC was right in his face. Yup today was going to suck.

Once on the plane Trent hung his hammock and took an unwise combination of benadryl and ambien. He just needed to sleep and feel a bit better before what ever shitshow Mandy had planned occurred. Swinging side to side he drifted into the oblivion only mixed meds could produce.

Waking to Jason standing beside him hadn't been his plan but that didn't mean it wasn't Jason's. "Trent, what's going on?" The confusion on his face urged Jason to continue. "You wanna explain why you sat through a briefing and had no clue where we were headed? Why Ray had to basically scream in your face to get your attention? What's going on?" Trent stared at him for just a second too long for Jason's liking annoyed at both Davis and Ray. "Trent, you're sitting this one out."

"No, Jace, I'm sorry Boss. I'm all good. Allergies acting up is all. Took something and should be set by the time we land." The thought of his brothers in the field without him made his heart beat to fast and for a split second Trent felt a familiar slamming in his chest. Hiding the wince from Jason he hoped his boss would allow him to be with Bravo.

"Alright. See me when we land. Get some more sleep." Trent was relieved as Jason walked away. He noticed Clay's eyes on him and hoped to hell the Kid would just leave him to sleep.

He woke to what he was almost certain was a panic attack. He was covered in sweat, his heart was racing, nausea was rising, he felt his hands tremble and took a few deep breaths that just made the tightness in his chest feel worse.

Shit. It had never happened before a mission. Only twice after missions and the second time had been nothing compared to the first.

Swinging his legs over the side of his hammock Trent felt unsteady but refused to fall. He refused to let his brothers in the field without him. Pushing through he found his balance.

Coffee would help...not as much as if he had Xanax. He almost laughed at the thought of a tier one guy taking anxiety meds before a mission but stifled it desperate not to draw attention to his current state.

"You good, brother?" Clay sat beside him.

"Would be if you all would stop asking me that over some allergies." He knew they cared and after his 'headaches' as they called them had made a point of checking in more but it was on his last nerve today.

"Second cup with Vanilla cream is all I'm saying." And with that Clay walked away.

Breathe, Trent, just breathe...the mantra ran through his head for a split second before he shook it off. Damn kid anyway.

The rest of the flight was uneventful and Trent was happy to be left alone. He swung in his hammock and avoided the others. It didn't occur to him that normally his brothers were the solution to his anxiety... not until much to late that is.

In the mountains of western Syria at an altitude around 7000ft Trent realized that this stubborn panic attack was most likely actual physical illness. While his brothers trudged along he felt himself struggle with the thin air. Each breath was more of a gasp and after an hour or so he was lagging behind.

"Hey, Jace, you think we could take two?" It pained him to ask but the pace was too much. It hurt to breath and his head was pounding and spinning...oxygen deprivation was first and only coherent thought as he ass collided with the rocks.

In an instant his brothers were beside him. Jason knelt to his left and grabbed his wrist immediately finding his pulse point and putting a pulse oximeter on his finger before he was even aware it was happening. "Bravo 1 to HAVOC we have an issue. Trent's down. Pulse 115. O2 level is reading 86." The slight panic in Jason's voice brought Trent back to reality.

"Jace... med bag... O2. Symptoms... severe headache...sore throat..." Trent panted but continued in fear that this might be his only time to tell his brothers "chest is tight, painful... hurts to breathe." As the oxygen mask was placed over his face by Sonny he saw fear in all their eyes and with overwhelming guilt for not telling them he felt like shit he closed his eyes hoping they would open again.


	2. Chapter 2

Tighten the stupid oxygen mask was is first conscious thought. It hung loosely on his face. Damn it Sonny. It's not hard to put on an O2 mask. There was a sharp rock beneath his left hip. And today sucks worse than he expected it to when leaving Virginia. As he layed with the annoying loose mask and equally annoying sharp rock his senses came back to him... Brock. Brock was talking.

"... Listen brother, you gotta wake up we have no clue what to do and I'm scared. Your O2 level is up to 93 so why are you still not awake? Why didn't you say you felt like shit instead of being kind of a dick and avoiding everyone... I swear Sawyer if this is some sort of 'gotta protect my brothers' bullshit I'm gonna have Cerb bite you." It was the use of his last name and the treat of Cerberus that motivated Trent to lift his hand to hold the mask tighter. His hand didn't make it that far but he was attempting and groaned from the effort. "Jace, he's waking up!"

"Hey buddy, how you feeling? Can you open your eyes for me?" Trent opened them and tried his best to focus them on his team leader.

"Argh... 'ighten ask" It made sense to him but as Jason grabbed his hand he realized it was garbled "Tighten... the... mask." It took nearly all his strength to struggle those three words out. It worked Jason immediately released his hand and pulled the straps on the mask into a more effective position. "Rock... hip." He wondered if he was bleeding at this point.

"Listen, Trent, I know you're hurting and uncomfortable but HAVOC is advising against pain meds." Dear God. NO! Do not give me morphine and depress my respiratory system was his instant thought but saying that was impossible so he nodded instead. "We will move you as soon as we can, okay brother? You just hang tight." Jason ran his hands through his hair as he walked a few feet away Trent assumed to radio in the sit-rep.

Rolling over would help so much, just to relieve the pressure from his hip but he wasn't sure he had the strength. Also he was entirely sure laying flat was making each breath feel like he was sucking it in through a straw.

He wasn't sure exactly how long he had been unconscious but it was long enough that Ray, Sonny, and Clay were not in sight. He assumed that they took up defensive positions. Clay would be high.

There was so much he didn't know, wasn't sure of, it wasn't alright. None of this was but right now the most 'not alright' thing wasn't even his breathing it was that damn rock below his hip.. while at first bearable the longer he layed the worse it became. If they knew they would help him but he basically had no way to explain. Breathe, Trent, just breathe. He began repeating it in his mind... anything to avoid the pain radiating down his left leg even if that was focusing on the most important thing he couldn't seem to do.

When he saw Ray and Sonny coming in he knew his relief was coming. If they weren't about to move there was no way his brothers would not be surrounding the perimeter.

"Brother, we're gonna get moving toward exfil. Just hang on a bit longer." As Jason started to stand Trent reached out and managed to grasp his sleeve.

"Hip... peas... hip... 'ove me." Whimpering and begging tears spilled from his eyes.

"Alright I got you." Jason lifted his head as Clay moved closer "We gotta move him, not sure what's wrong but he's in pain and says it's his hip."

"Got it, Boss, I'll grab his legs. On three... one, two, three." The scream from Trent was deafening and brought all his brother closer.

"Fuck. Get some gauze now. Gotta get these pants away...scissors. God damn it. How'd we miss this?" Clay's words were flying and the items he requested we there in a heartbeat.

Trent was no longer conscious as Clay cut away the fabric from the jagged bleeding wound. For that they were all grateful. They rock below him was razor sharp and the pressure of his own weight had torn into his flesh.

"I can't do much other than packing this. Shit Jace, this is bad." Clay would trade places with his brother in a heartbeat. Trent would know what to do and Clay felt an inadequacy he wasn't at all okay with. "Listen buddy when this is over... when we are sipping too sweet vanilla coffee and eating cold pizza you're gonna teach me what to do okay? I need to know what to do." As he add more and more gauze to the seeping wound he rambled to his unconscious medic.

"Havoc this is Bravo 6. Bravo 4 is in bad shape. 7cm wound to his left hip. Bleeding is under control buy all I can do is pack it." Clay's voice was shaking over comms and there wasn't a member of Bravo or support that didn't feel the same.

Once on the liter with his brothers surrounding, his head elevated slightly from the way they carried him awareness returned to Trent. In the dusk high up in the mountains Trent wished he had just told them he had a 'headache' and risked his career.

Reaching up he grabbed the wrist immediately to his right. Clay's wrist. "Hey buddy, we gotcha, everything's good. Be home before you know it" Clay's smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Clay, you did good kid. Feel better already... Fluids... start a line." The fear he saw on Clay's face told him the Kid was out of his depth but no part of him doubted his ability.

"Yeah... okay. I can do that... stay awake okay and walk me through it?"

As they carefully lowered the liter and his hip made contact with the rocky ground below Trent groaned. "Tired... Clay... you can... do this..." consciousness receding he released the wrist he was still holding.

"Havoc to Bravo 1 what's your status?" Blackburn's voice broke the stillness on the mountain.

"Havoc this is 1. Our medic has advised starting fluids. 6 is on it." The quick and choppy response didn't go unnoticed.

"Good copy 1. Is 4 awake?"

"Not anymore. Charlie Mike to exfil in 5."

Between the oxygen, fluids, and the way he was being carried with his head tilted higher his O2 levels hit 95 on the pulse oximeter. It was a small victory for Bravo. And though his eyes remained closed and his brothers unaware Trent was awake.

The helo blades thumping might have been the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. Thr voice of the medic on board he was sure was the best thing Clay had. The Kid moved to his side and took his hand.

"Don't you ever do this again." Clay whispered in his ear and he barely made out what he was saying over the whooshing helo blades carrying them to safety. He was sure Clay still thought he was out but the squeeze of his hand told the Kid he understood.


	3. Chapter 3

_Her smile illuminated the entire room. Her teeth weren't perfectly straight but they were perfectly imperfect. She wasn't wearing any make-up and that's exactly how he loved her. She was curled into his side wearing his college t-shirt with a renegade across her chest. Her nipples were visible through the fabric and he could feel himself getting harder. Her laughter filled his ears and her auburn curls cascaded down his bare chest. It was this moment, this her, this Kate, that he wanted to remember for the rest of his life. _

_He blinked and they were no longer laying on his twin extra long dorm room bed... she was crying and yelling. He was yelling too. He still had no idea what they were even fighting about. Slamming the car into drive she sped away._

_Breathe, Trent, just breathe. _

_She was still screaming. He was too late. The car on fire. Air too hot for him to breathe. His chest hurt more than he could imagine and tears streamed down his face. _

_Somehow he got to her and as he craddled her on the side of the road holding her to him while she bled...she stopped breathing. He was too late. The weight of her body suffocating him..._

"No, Kate... please don't go." The weight on his chest was still there but she was gone. His desperate plea caused hands to reach for him. A hand on his shoulder. One grasping his own. Another on his right ankle.

"Trent it's okay. You're safe now. Got you some people who know what the hell to do." Clay gripped his hand, a lifeline, proof Trent was actually still with them. His warm hand.

"Clay... can't... breathe." Before he finished the broken sentence Clay had pushed the call button to summon a nurse.

"Got a nasty case of pneumonia brother." Jason stated with slight anger in his voice but the contact between them unbroken.

"No cough... No fever. Hip hurts..." The questions swirled as Trent tried his best to piece together the last week.

"Atypical Pneumonia. Sometimes called walking pneumonia. They said you were in high elevation which only exacerbated your symptoms. I'm gonna raise your bed just a bit to help you catch your breath, but we need to watch that hip. Let me know if it hurts too much and keep that oxygen for now." She was efficient. Her hair pulled back into a tight bun and her kind eyes locked on his.

"Thanks Kate it helps." Taking a deeper breath he felt much more alert than he had in days but the darkening on his brothers' faces and the shared looks made him question his lucidity.

"No problem. And Trent I'm Amelia but most people just call me Mia." She smilled at him while pointing to her nametag and pushing a loose strand of reddish hair behind her ear.

The long slow exhale and closing of his eyes conveyed either embarrassment or sadness and Bravo wasn't sure which. The hands that had once been a comfort were only proving to remind him that they had all been there when he called the beautiful young nurse by that name. The name he tried his best to never say.. never think of... it hurt. Everything hurt.

"So Buddy, who's Kate? Got a hot little side piece you forgot to let old Sonny about?" The humor in is voice and chuckles shared by everyone faded as Trent opened his eyes.

"Hey, Son, wanna do me a favor and get the hell out?" There was acid in his voice that none of them had heard before in all their years of brotherhood.

"Whoa, brother. I'm sorry I uh didn't mean no harm." Sonny was genuinely sorry and leaving was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Yeah man all the same... I feel like shit. Can't breathe, ass hurts, and I'm not really in the mood to chat so you can all leave actually." Trent turned his head toward the window and the stunned group hesitated.

"If that's what you want then yeah... we'll go." The hurt in Clay's voice was too much for Trent and he turned back to the Kid of the group.. eyes locked on his.

"She was someone I used to know." The beep of the heartrate monitor increased. "Along time ago." Sonny moved his hand back to it's previous position on Trent's right ankle.

"Alright sailors, time to check a wound I'm sure Trent doesn't want you around for..." Her smile was so real it made Trent's heart beat even faster... luckily that was attributed to embarrassment over showing his hip and basically his ass to his brothers and her.

"Alright. Gonna grab some food. If it's good with you I'll grab Trent some coffee?" Clay's statement was directed at Mia.

"That is fine, I'm sure we'll see you all in just a bit." Turning to Trent she helped him roll to his right side away from the door as they filed out.

When Clay returned about 20 minutes later with sweet vanilla coffee it was Mia's laughter that he heard first and then Trent's. It was the type of laughter he rarely heard from the medic. Unabashed and full. He stood in the hall as not to break the magic within the room.

Mia exited and Clay entered. "She's something huh? Get her number yet?" It was simple banter that was expected.

"She's way to young for me but you should ask her out... you'd probably have a good time with her." The sincerity in his voice only partially covered what Clay thought was sadness.

"Yeah maybe." Clay handed him the coffee and sat back in the chair resting his tired eyes.

When Clay woke Trent was sitting more upright than before and seemed much more like the Bravo 4 he knew.

"Doc says I can probably go home tomorrow. Gonna need a bit of help with dressing changes and stuff but if you can't... I'll just crash at Ray's and have Niama help." Without asking Clay to stay he had decided the answer would be no.

"I got you brother... I'll even take the couch this time." Clay's smile and Trent's nod finished the conversation and the two sat in the comfortable quiet until the door slammed open and a very pissed off Jason stormed in, his hands on his hips and a scowl planted on his face.


	4. Chapter 4

The pure rage was spilling from Jason. Fists clenched and unclenched. His jaw set and hard. Feet apart as if he was preparing to throw a punch.

"Tell me what in the actual fuck you thought you were doing? Explain to me how as a medic you could be so damn stupid! You hear Brock begging you to wake up? You were passed out so I doubt you saw the shaking hands of one of the Navy's best damn snipers as he worked on you!" Clay lowered his eyes to the floor ashamed as Jason's rant continued. "You have some damn nerve Trent! Really what the hell was going through your brain? What would you do if the kid did something this asinine?" And Trent took it. He sat there and let Jason yell and rant until he was almost sure he was done.

"Any of those questions rhetorical?" The attempt to lighten the mood failed. "I don't have an excuse."

"Think of one and do it now." There was no way Jason was leaving this room until he understood and right now he wondered if he ever would.

"Woke up with a headache. A real one. Thought it was stress. Was sore all over. Blamed Sonny and the gym, Clay and those damn hill runs. On the plane..." Trent hung his head in shame. "On the plane I took some benadryl and ambien thinking I could sleep it off... and yeah I know how damn stupid it was. Jace, I promise you that I told you as soon as I knew..."

"Yeah right as your ass was hitting the ground." Jason's angry words caused both Trent and Clay to wince and try to make themselves smaller like children scolded by the principal. "You ever pull something like this again and you're done. Off Bravo. Do you understand me?" The harshness of his words had soften and Clay took the opportunity to escape... 'never leave a man behind' not applying when that man pissed off Bravo 1.

"I understand and Jace I am sorry... I didn't mean to scare you guys... to make you scrap the mission... to risk my brothers." Trent pulled at the strings on the blue blanket covering him and tears filled his eyes.

"Brother, you scared us all. You know what it's like to feel so damn helpless Trent?" The irony of the question was lost to Jason but as Trent's tear filled eyes met his he got it.

"Yeah, Boss, I do... every single time one of you goes down I feel that."

Pulling down the street Trent noticed Jason truck parked in front of his house. Brock, and Ray's vehicles as well. Apparently his place was the place to be while he was hospitalized. Raising an eyebrow to Clay he recieved a shoulder shrug in return as Clay drove.

The house was filled with the laughter of his brothers. Someone had decided he needed a fire pit and they were trying their hardest to put one together. "Hey brother! Just about done here and we can built a fire." The excitement in Brock's words forced a smile to Trent's face. He really wanted his bed but a fire beforehand wouldn't kill him.

As they debated the best way to build such a fire Trent began to wonder where Sonny was. He was genuinely starting to worry as the sun set and there was still no sign of the Texan.

"Any clue where Sonny is?" Trent couldn't take it anymore.

"Uh said he had plans tonight... not sure what." Clay shifted uncomfortably watching the now roaring fire.

Maybe it wasn't the fact that he had been an ass to Sonny and tried to kick him out of his hospital room but Trent couldn't shake the feeling that it was. He'd call him tomorrow and sort it out. Sighing as he moved he realized he was late on his meds and the gauze probably needed to be changed again.

"Hey Clay wanna help me inside?" It would be a wound in a spot he could reach on top of pneumonia.. of course it would.

"Absolutely." There was no hesitation at all in his response. Clay needed to learn wound care, just in case.

Returning to the fire 20 minutes later Trent eased himself back into the soft chair that had magically been there when he returned home. His phone in one cupholder and a sweetened vanilla coffee in the other. The brightening of his phone the only sign of a notification as the ringer was still silenced from being hospitalized.

_-sorry brother-_ Sonny

_-All good, Sonny. Just wish you could have made it over tonight. You good?-_ The text had Trent worried.

_-Yeah man just giving girls $._

"Shit. Sonny's drunk and wasting his pay on strippers again"

"He need a ride?" Jason was already standing.

_-Ride?_

_-lisa_

"Davis has it covered." 'Lisa?' That was odd but he would keep it to himself.

"God bless that woman...puts up with more than Niama." Ray's lips curled just saying her name.

"Than she does now... yeah..." Jason stated as Brock and Trent chuckled.

Trent was dozing comfortably by the warmth of the fire his brothers kept going. The commotion at the front of the house caused Jason and Brock to immediately stand. Brock looking at Cerb and Jason at Clay said "Stay with Trent" simultaneously.

As Brock and Jason rounded the house they were both annoyed and relieved to find Davis struggling with a stumbling Sonny.

"Lisa I need to talk to him! Now!" Sonny waking the entire neighborhood wasn't going to make Trent popular.

"Shh you're too damn loud!" The exasperation was evident. "I know your drunk ass needs his brothers that's why I brought you here."

"And I love ya for it Davis!" He turned facing her. "Lisa I'm serious you know.. drunk, sober, hurt, alone, or surroumded by Bravo, I love you in a way I never knew I could love anyone."

"I know that cowboy. And for some reason that I can't figure out I love you too."

As Sonny leaned forward Jason gave a hand signal to Brock and they retreated to the back of the house. "We didn't see that... send Cerb to get them."

"See what?" Clay asked as Trent sipped on hours old cold coffee.

"Nothing... Cerb get Sonny." Brock stifled the laugh.


	5. Chapter 5

Rounding the corner with Cerb attached to his left pant leg pulling him along and Davis pulling away from his right Sonny stumbled in Trent's direction. "You coulda died" Sonny was good and drunk. That type of blubbering drunk that only fear and pain can cause. "Thought it was over man. I really did. And then I said some shit cause I was trying to forget how bad it was and you... you told me to leave." A sob escaped Sonny.

"Uh bathroom?" This was brother stuff and Lisa for as much as she wanted to comfort Sonny couldn't stand watching him cry.

"This way." Clay granted her the escape, one he also wanted. He knew the house almost as well as Trent and was also the most comfortable wandering around freely within it's walls.

"Sonny come here." Trent wasn't a typically emotional man but his drunk crying brother had every right to feel this way. It was his fault. "Listen man getting up hurts so get your ass down here." Sonny knelt at Trent's feet. And Trent's arms wrapped around him.

And that's how Clay found them on his return. Lisa was curled on the couch having instructed Clay to wake her when Sonny was ready to head out.

"Hey, Son, cuddle times over bud... Trent's hip is bad and I can hear him wheezing from here."

Sonny sat back on heels still close. Trent chuckled at the roll reversal he didn't notice until then. Clay bringing him coffee, making sure he had his meds, wound care. Clay was taking care of him.

"Son, I was wrong. So wrong in so many ways. I shouldn't have been in the field to begin with... I put you all in a terrible spot. I really thought it was a 'headache' but even that could have been a catastrophe..." His breath hitched just thinking how he would have felt if it were one of his brothers sick or hurt because he couldn't keep his mind together. "A long time ago I lost someone because I wasn't there... where I should have been... It was before Bravo, hell before the Navy. I was 19 years old, had no training, just a freshmen in college. When I lost her I dropped all my classes and went to a recruiter the day we buried her. Her name was Kate. I decided then that I would always know what to do... Son, I loved her. I loved her more than anything." Looking up Trent took a chance. "I loved her like you love Davis."

"Trent..." Sonny had no idea what to say but knew he absolutely deserved to be almost kicked out of Trent's hospital room.

"No brother. Please don't say anything. I started over. Left everything about Kate back in Bakersfield. I keep just a bit of her with me, only for me and I don't talk about it. She's mine. Let me have this... I'm done for today. Clay help me to my room? Sitting for too long and I'm exhausted." Clay moved closer and gently lifted his brother under his shoulders.

Crawling into his bed he thought of her. Her auburn curls, crooked smile, infectious laughter and her sweet vanilla scent. Her sparkling eyes were with him when he closed his and he drifted to sleep with her image in his mind for the first time in years.


	6. Chapter 6

In his kitchen the next morning half sitting on the chair to avoid his left hip Trent sipped the sweet vanilla coffee while Clay burned toast and overcooked eggs. He had slept well but there was a tiredness within him that sleep couldn't cure. It was a type of tired that was usually only around in the days following a death. A numbness like sleepwalking. He missed her again. Missed her laugh, her eyes, and the warmth of her curled next to him. He hadn't missed her like this in years. He missed her everyday but not like this...

"Clay," he waited for him to turn, for Clay's eyes to meet his as they always did. "I need to go to Bakersfield."

"Home?" Trent was in no shape to travel but there was a despair in his voice that stopped Clay from arguing. "I'll call Jason."

Trent nodded and gingerly stood. Clay's attempt at breakfast was not all appetizing and the coffee tasted bitter this morning. The solace of the patio called to him. The soft chair that magically appeared from one of his brothers...his brothers. Clay making him breakfast, giving him meds, and staying with him. Jason holding him a few months back. Ray's prayers. Brock begging him to be okay and Sonny's tears on his shirt. It was too much.

There was a reason Trent kept people at a distance. The quiet one who only spoke when necessary... it seemed cold but it served it's purpose. The further away they were the less he hurt. And then Clay was drafted to Bravo. The damn Kid. Full of arrogance and bravado. The kid wore his heart of his sleeve and it was contagious.

Staring at the ashes in the burned out fire pit he lost track of time to his own thoughts. "Clay says you're taking a trip... you up for that?" Jason leaned on the frame to the sliding glass door, his hands in his pockets.

"Gotta be." Gone was the Trent who shared and cried and was open with them, in his place sat the a hard, silent, stoic medic.

The change was startling to Jason. He'd known Trent for years and it had taken years to find the man that sat with his brothers last night. The reversal terrified Bravo 1 in a way Tangos never could. It was a rising fear, a Sonny's stuck in a torpedo tube, a Clay needs a junctional, a Ray is surrounded by militants in Kashmir, a Trent's standing on a landmine... type of fear.

"I think you should wait a few weeks... at least until the hip heals. Until you've finished the antibiotics, the steroids, and the nebulizer."

"Fine." Trent knew that if he insisted on going now Jason would force a chaperone.

"Good. So who are you taking with you?" And there it was, even with waiting he was expected to take someone.

"I'm not." Trent steeled himself for the argument that didn't come.

"Brother... I'm worried." It wasn't what he was expecting and he wasn't sure what to say in return.

Me too, Jace, me too is what he wanted to say "Don't be" is what came out instead. It would have to be enough.

Jason left the conversation where it stood. Trent had shut down and there was no point in pushing, short of enraging the medic it would have no effect. And so defeated and without even acknowledging Clay he walked through the house and left.

The following day Trent had asked Clay to leave and he had. Trent was alone again. Alone with his fears, his anger, his pain, and his memories of Kate.

Blackburn grounded Bravo until Trent was cleared to operate. As much as it relieved him it also frustrated him. If they were spun up they would be out of his hair for a bit at least. And as soon as that thought entered his head it petrified him. It's one thing to consciously push people away... and it was another to wish your brothers into a war zone without a qualified medic beside them. It was a new level if disconnection that made him feel hollow.

He knew he couldn't leave without telling Jason even if he were on medical and Bravo was grounded. So he sat in the cages waiting for them to wrap up a training mission with Green Team. His flight to California was booked. He was going in six hours. Going back to Bakersfield, back to a place so far gone, back to his Kate.

"Hey brother! Glad you came by we're all heading out, wanna join?" Sonny was always overly enthusiastic about a night out.

"Nah... just came to talk to Jason." The seriousness in his voice stilled the room.

"What's going on Brother?" It took everything in Jason not to panic at Trent's tone, to act normal, to act like it was two weeks ago before the shift in Trent that no one saw coming.

"Just wanted to infom you that I'll be finishing my medical leave out of state." The formality in his voice broke Jason's heart. When had Trent drifted so far away?

"I appreciate the notification... are you okay?" It was fruitless to ask but Jason needed Trent to know he still cared.

"Fine. Gonna head out, have a flight to catch." Trent didn't make eye contact as he walked out ignoring their concern and a whining Cerb.

**I thought this piece was done... happy little ending. I wrote a Brock story. It was over but like grief this piece came back. I'm not entirely sure where it is going now but I hope you all enjoy it. Reviews make me happy and give me the confidence to continue.**


	7. Chapter 7

The flight was uneventful, which is to say it was boring. He had almost forgotten how most people flew. No hammock on a commercial fight... 7.5 hours of incessant boredom.

Rental car picked up, he drove to the campus of his old college. So much was the same and yet everything was different.

Somewhere deep inside he wondered how his life would have turned out if he had stayed here. If Kate had lived. He was certain he would have married that girl. They would have waited until after graduation and planned a nice little ceremony. He could picture her in a white dress. Lavender colored flowers in her hands twirling on a beach. That's how he thought the day would have gone. He imagined eventually they would have babies. A girl maybe to share her Mama's laughter. A boy he'd play ball with. They'd have a cute little house and probably a white picket fence. It was so vivid in his mind he could have gotten lost in that perfect world where Kate was still with him.

Sitting on a bench in the center of campus Trent closed his eyes and pictured the life they should have had. The life that was stolen from them. From him. It was selfish of him to think of it that way when she had no life at all but that didn't stop him. Here in this place he could smell her still, see her, and wrapping his arms around himself he could almost convince himself that he could hold her.

"Oh Kate. I miss you so..." he mumbled to himself "If only I had been there. If I knew then what I knew now. I'm not sure if you'd be proud of the man I turned into... I'd probably scare you honestly. I've seen things no one should see and I've probably done worse. I guess maybe that's why I locked you so far away... so you wouldn't know. I've killed more people than I can remember Katie... I'm not who I was. Maybe I'm not who I'm supposed to be either." Trent breath hitched as he continued rambling and tears streamed from his still closed eyes. "Are you with me still Kate? You made me so much better than I am now. I'm sorry Kate. I'm so sorry."

It was past sunrise by at least a couple hours when the first foot traffic signaled it might be time to go but he didn't have the energy or ambition to move. So he sat. He sat until the sun was overheard. And then he sat longer.

It was late afternoon by the time he noticed the campus police watching him. He wondered how long they had been observing, had they seen him talking to himself? If he got up and left now was it already to late? He wasn't sure if Blackburn could cover up a 5150... he doubted it.

And then he was saved. The man walking toward him looked exactly as he remembered. Professor McGuire was old when Trent had been a student meaning the man was ancient now. But that ancient man walked with a purpose directly between Trent and the now three officers. He stood before him, his weight leaning on a wooden cane, looking down on his former student.

"You dropped my class with consulting me." The man looked down at Trent with annoyance in his eyes. "I'm fairly certain you're also about to be arrested so do you mind if I sit?"

"You remember me?" He was dumbfounded.

"You, Mr Sawyer, are not an easy man to forget. Now may I sit?"

"Of course Professor."

"Walter. Call me Walter. Now Mr Sawyer you've been sitting here for hours appearing to talk to yourself, it worries people."

"You can call me Trent. And I wasn't talking to myself." Trent watched the police as they watched him.

"Of course not. You were talking to Ms. Shaw. She was in the nursing program correct? It's a shame what happened." The man looked sadly at Trent.

Trent nodded at the old man's memory. "Kate was pre-med. She wanted to help people. Wanted to save the world."

"Ah yes now I remember. And you were only enrolled in my anatomy and physiology class because she was afraid to take it alone."

"She was... but in her defense you had quite a reputation." Trent's lips curled slightly.

"I still do. After she died when I saw you were no longer on my class registrar I went to administration. They informed me you had completely withdrawn from the university." The man looked disappointed.

"Why would you do that?" Trent never expected to see this man let alone for the man to actually remember him. To have looked for him after.

"Well Mr Sawyer, I'm sorry Trent, there have been many students in my classes over many... many years but you showed true potential. We had a previously scheduled advisement meeting scheduled I'm sure you have forgotten that but I haven't." Trent looked at him wondering if the old man would finish his ramblings before the police finally moved toward him. "I was going to try to get you to switch to pre-med. I can't seem to remember what your couse of study was but looking at your work and the way you carried yourself I saw a doctor."

"I umm don't know what to say... I also think I'm about to have some explaining to do..."

The Police moved forward... now four a split second Trent thought of how easily he could eliminate them. He shook the thought and turned back to his former professor "Here we go..."

"Officers what seems to be the problem?" The old man staggered slightly as he stood drawing attention away from Trent.

"Sir we've had multiple complaints concerning the other gentleman and we need to discuss the matter with him." The officers clearly knew the tenured professor.

"The young man is a dear friend of mine who was waiting for me to finish my lectures for the day before joining me for an evening meal. I hope you won't keep us from our reservations." The man was respectful if not a little curt.

"No sir there should be no issues. Should only take a few minutes." The young cop clearly intimidated.

That was how Trent ended up at a restaurant sipping a wine he couldn't pronounce and reminiscing with the octogenarian. The food was good but the conversation was better. Talking of Kate with someone who vividly remembered her with fondness filled Trent with warmth more than the expensive wine ever could.

As they waited on some sort of chocolate mousse dessert the conversation moved on from the past "So tell me Trent, did you become a doctor? What are you doing with yourself now?"

"I'm not a doctor. Actually I never went back to school after I left." The flash of disappointment that ran across the wrinkled face turned when Trent continues. "I uh I actually joined the navy. I'm a medic."

"I knew there was something special in you! The human body, it made sense to you in a way it doesn't to most Trent. I could see that then and clearly the navy sees it now. Your unit is very lucky to have you." The pride on the man's face was the pride of a father.

"Thank you but lately I doubt they would agree." Trent looked down at the dessert placed in front if him.

"Did you lose someone son?" The concern was genuine, it wasn't pity but was understanding. "There are some moments that stay with you forever, Trent."

"No, no I didn't... well maybe... myself."

"Now that I can understand. When I came home it took everything in me not to... well my Helen saved me from who I could have been."

A new understanding filtered into Trent's mind. "I didn't know..."

"Korea. Now why do you not think those boys would agree?" A spoonful of dessert entered his mouth.

"I haven't exactly been the easiest person to deal with... uh they are my brothers but sometimes I feel like if I get too close... I'm not sure." Trent had yet to eat the chocolate mousse in front of him preferring to fiddle with the spoon.

"Oh my boy I think you do know. Trent you can live in fear forever or you can live." The man was finishing the final bite. "So tell me about your family... did you marry? Any children?"

"My only family is Bravo..." his unit's name slipped from his lips before he could think better of it.

"When you said Navy I didn't realize... Your job is much more complicated than you implied. I assume you've seen more than your share... tell me about your family?"

"Yeah okay. Jace he's uh the boss... he watches out for all of us, brings us home. I sometimes wonder if I do enough to show him how much I appreciate all he does... I'd follow him into hell and have. Ray is second in command, has a faith I wish I had... he sort of makes sure we're all straight... even when he's not. Keeps our heads in it. Brock and Cerb, our dog, are an amazing team. Can't tell you how many times they've saved our asses. Brock leaves things unless they need to be addressed. He's always steady in the way I pretend to be but hell maybe he's pretending too? Sonny has a mouth that would embarrass a hooker...uh sorry... but he's the most loyal person I have ever met. And then there Clay. He's our rookie. The Kid, he uh never really had a family and he wears his heart on his sleeve. He's smart as hell though, knows like 6 languages and recently I've been teaching him medical."

"Why is that? Eat the mousse. Why are you teaching him your job?"

"I did something stupid. Went out sick. Ended up hurt. My team, they didn't know what to do and he sort of had to wing it." The guilt at putting Clay in a similar position he had been in with Kate hit him. "I need to apologize more than I did but I also need to make sure he knows what to do... I don't want him to spend years wishing he could go back with the knowledge he now has and change what he didn't know then." Trent finished his dessert.

"So this is all about Kate and that's why you came to be with her in the last place she was?"

"Yes." Again he looked down.

"Trent... you need to go home. Kate's gone. She's not here any more than she is there. But they are there. And from what you've told me... they are your family."


	8. Chapter 8

There was no part of Jason that was pleased getting called at 6 in the morning especially on a Saturday. They were grounded so the call was a surprise. Not being spun up but being called in anyway sent shivers down his spine. Trent at the forefront of his mind. Walking into the cages Jason was surprised to see an exhausted looking Brock leaning again Clay's cage while Clay read the same page of a book for the fifth time, a pacing Ray, and Sonny cleaning a gun.

"Boss?" Clay looked up from the page he had gained nothing from but before Jason could respond a highly annoyed Eric flung the door open.

"Any of you boys want to explain to me why I was woken by brass at 3 inquiring about a tier one operator having contact with police?" All eyes turned to Sonny.

"Hey now! It wasn't me! I was being a good boy... home in bed." Sonny conveniently left out who he had shared that bed with.

"No this time it wasn't Quinn. The name was run by the university police in Bakersfield California." Eric looked more angry than when Shaw had tried to disband Bravo.

"Trent..." Jason looked at Eric with grief in his eyes. "He was on medical, I didn't think to inform you he was taking a trip." This one was on him but the police involvement was solely on Trent. "What happened?"

"I'm not entirely sure. Davis is digging. Should have an update soon." Sonny now understood why she had crawled from his bed in the night and left thinking he was still sleeping.

She entered carrying a laptop. Her hair was curly still from the shower they shared and the lack of time in getting ready for her day and Sonny thought she looked her best like this, all that was missing was his hat and one of his oversized t-shirts. He let the thought go...refocusing on the task at hand, figuring out what was happening with Trent.

"Apparently Trent was suspected of a simple trespass. Seems like there should be more to the story but there isn't. Police confirmed he has no warrants and he left with another man. A Walter McGuire. Looking into him now." Davis continued clicking away at the computer.

"What else do you have Davis? Just contact? He's good?" Jason's mind was going a mile a minute.

"Yeah that's it. They ran his name. When it came back clear they let him go but it flagged in our system. Hey I have more on McGuire. He's a professor at the university. Teaches biology, anatomy and physiology, and this one's a little strange... a course on the ethics of war. Huh science and philosophy? Let me see what else I can find." She kept digging into the man wondering why exactly Trent had sought him out if that is what had happened.

"I say we hit the gym while we wait..." Sonny had finished cleaning the gun and sitting still was not an option.

"Yup it's leg day." Clay's response motivated even the half asleep Brock to stand.

Two hours later a freshly showered Bravo team minus their medic re-entered the room. Davis was sitting at a card table that was scattered with papers and her makeshift command post. Blackburn sat on the bench in front of Jason's cage.

"Sit-rep Davis?" Bravo 1 could only approach today as an op. If he stopped to think about it as his friend, his brother, he might crack.

"I have a lot. Starting with the fact that Trent changed his flights. His original return date wasn't for 6 more days. His new flight lands in 8 hours and now includes 2 layovers... something has motivated him to get home." Jason nodded but his eyes urged her to continue. "And moving on I have a lot more information on McGuire. He has a few awards for teaching and has published in a bunch scientific journals. He also wrote a book about the psychological effects of combat. He was a medic in Korea. Trent was enrolled in one of his classes during his second semester at Bakersfield. He withdrew from all classes and enlisted within a week of another student's death. Her name was Katherine Shaw. She was pre-med, according to her obituary she was planning to join the Peacecorp. And guys... Trent is listed in her obituary... good friend Trent Sawyer." Davis exhaled slowly.

The simultaneous alert to five phones confused not only Bravo but also Blackburn who usually sent the messages.

_-Flying home early. My house 1700.- _

The group text left much to be desired. The next 9 hours dragged so slowly time seemed to be moving backwards. Jason exhaled slowly while turning on to the medic's block. The last few months... had they been too much, was Trent broken beyond repair by them? Was he about to tell them goodbye? Was he requesting a transfer? Off Bravo? Shaking his head Jason pulled into the driveway.


	9. Chapter 9

Trent sat in his car holding a picture he had long put away. Kate smiled back at him. His right arm slung over her shoulder. The smile on his face was one he didn't recognize anymore. The picture was taken over Christmas break. The white snow backdrop in the mountains on a ski trip. He had told her the day before that he loved her. She put her hands on either side of his face and said it back. Her eyes sparkled in the picture and Trent smiled down at her image.

Losing track of time he realized he had asked Eric to stay late and was currently making the man stay even later. Setting the picture down and then picking it back up he slid it into his shirt pocket and got out. This wouldn't be fun but it was necessary.

"Trent... how are you?" No mention of his tardiness, damn even Blackburn was worried.

"Been better, Sir." It was an honest answer.

Being late to speak to Eric caused him to be late getting home. Trent normally hated being late. Today it didn't seem to matter quite as much. All the same he did feel slightly bad when he turned down his street at 5:45 p.m. and spotted the five vehicles belonging to Bravo. The conversation with Eric had been harder and taken longer than he expected it would. He'd also taken a few minutes to himself in the parking lot after.

Exhaling he put the car in park. He knew they were most likely on his back deck but there was no turning back now, they knew he was home. Trent had picked home for this because he wasn't sure if he would have shown anywhere else... Bravo would simply stay here and eventually he would have to return.

Breathe, Trent, just breathe.

Putting his key in the lock and walking through the house he knew it was a delay tactic. That didn't matter right now. Right now any extra second before facing his brothers was worth it. Trent doubted they would understand. If he were honest he wasn't sure if he understood completely but he felt a peace in his decision that they would most likely counter with anger. He just wasn't ready for the anger yet.

Stepping onto the back porch the first thing he saw was the absolute terror in Jason's eyes. It stopped him in his tracks. Made his breath hitch. Jason's breathing was too fast and Trent felt gut punched knowing that the current state of his brother was on him.

"Anyone want a beer?" It seemed like a reasonable place to start. The five affirmative responses verified his assumption. Trent walked inside grabbed a 6 pack and stepped back outside. They had started a fire when he had been late. He knew deep down that was hope. Hope that he would want to be with them. Hope that he would be him again. Hope. So he sat down in the circle they had formed.

"I'm sorry I'm late. I was meeting with Eric"

"Why?" Sonny's interuption startled him only slightly.

"I'm not sure where to start." His eyes drifted from one brother to another.

"The beginning would be nice, cause honestly some of us are confused as hell Trent." Brock's steadiness wavered slightly.

"Sounds like a good place to start... honestly just not even sure where the beginning even is anymore." Trent sipped his beer.

"Enough with the shit Trent. Are you trying to frustrate and piss us all off? Does that make it easier to pull whatever it is your about to?" Well then it was much more rare to get Perry yelling.

"That's not it at all." Trent's eyes met Ray's.

"If you're saying goodbye...can you just stop dragging it out?" The saddness in Clay nearly broke him.

"I'm not saying goodbye." Bravo released a breath none of them knew they had collectively been holding. Trent crossed his arms across his chest seeking an escape and he felt the picture he had earlier put in his pocket. Pulling it out he handed it to Clay on his right. "This is Kate. She's where it starts."

"She's beautiful Trent." Clay didn't know where this was going and he wasn't sure he was ready to find out.

"She was. We were young and stupid and so in love. We got in a fight the night she died. You know the worst part? I don't remember what we were fighting about... She drove off pissed and crashed her car." Trent watched as his brothers passed the picture around seeing her for the first time. "She bled out in my arms. I didn't know then how to stop it from happening, so I just held her. I told her I loved her and held her... She was the last person I let take care of me and because of it I couldn't take care of her. I was taking a class at the time an anatomy class, we had just covered the vascular system. I was sitting at her funeral listening to the priest talk about her going home when I realized I knew it was her femoral artery. She bled out while I held her and panicked knowing which artery was killing her but because I loved her... I was paralyzed." Trent's eyes glassed over with unshed tears.

"You were just a kid." Jason looked at the picture of Trent at 19 with his arms wrapped around the girl he loved and thought if Alana. Of the tailspin her death caused.

"When you went down..." he turned to Clay. "In Manilla and then with the concussion... I thought of Kate. I wondered if I had done everything right or if I had missed something because... well you know. Were you bleeding from your femoral artery while I panicked?"

"No. The answer is no Trent. You're not who you were then... you know what to do and you do it. You've saved all our asses at least once, some of us too much." Clay rubbed his right leg.

"I'm sorry for doing that to you Clay. If... if I hadn't made it out of Syria, it wouldn't have been on you." Trent wished the Kid would look away but that just wasn't Clay.

"Sort of like what happened with Kate wasn't on you brother." Ray's words stung.

"That's why I had to go home. I needed to tell Kate some things. To say goodbye. I ended up reconnecting with someone who knew her... he said some things that made sense."

"Your old professor?" Sonny no longer cared if Trent was aware of their snooping.

"Walter. Yeah. He uh put some things into prospective... he said he saw a doctor in me when I was a kid." The chuckle that escaped was a relief. "Can you imagine with all the chaos and death."

It was a statement not a question but they all nodded anyway. They sipped beer and sat until the sun had started to set. It was the type of warm autumn night that didn't require a fire but it was there for comfort not warmth.

"I went to talk to Eric about being taken off rotation for longer than my medical..." The statement hung in the air for what felt forever.

"How long?" Brock reached for Cerb.

"Not forever. I need some time... I'm not sure how much. I'll be with Green Team. Combat first aide."

The anger that Trent feared was there but only for an instant. It passed more quickly than most would even notice it to begin with but he knew them; knew them in a way that few people were ever connected to anyone. In it's place Trent wasn't sure exactly what he saw.

"Do you uh you think maybe I could take some of that training?" Uncertain of himself Clay was not someone they were used to seeing and it made him look younger than his years.

"Of course. I think that's a great idea." Jason beat Trent to an answer.

"I think maybe Green Team could use my weapons expertise for a while too!" Sonny more certain of this decision that most he made in life.

"I'm sure that Cerb and I have some things we could show them."

"I had that course on adaptive battlefield strategy pretty well worked out." As much as he resented being grounded after medically cleared Ray also was damn good at teaching the next elite tier one operators and this time was different. This time it was with his brothers. For his brother.

"I'll talk to Eric in the morning." Jason nodded.

"Hey guys I appreciate it I really do but.. I'm not sure how long. You can't just wait it out. It could be months... I uh talked to Blackburn about it and I'm gonna see someone to um to talk." It wasn't something he had wanted to share but if they planned to stay it was inevitable. "Try to heal a bit... a bit more."

"All the same I'd rather sit on the sidelines with ya than get my ass shot off without ya Trent. You have more beer?"

"Yeah, Son, inside."

That settled it. The picture of Kate in his right hand his thumb stroking her smile, a beer in his left waiting to be sipped, his brothers surrounding him, a plan to try to fix the brokenness in place, the peace settled into him.


	10. Chapter 10

Bile rose in his throat as he walked toward the training facility for Green Team. Instead of Bravo waiting for him to start another day, Blackburn stood looking serious. It felt like losing his balance as he realized the team was being spun up and he wouldn't be included. He had made it clear that he wasn't ready but that didn't ease the rapid beating of his heart.

"When?"

"Wheels up in 2 hours."

"Where?" Trent looked at Eric's raised eyebrows and it hit him. "Need to know... and I don't."

"I'm sorry, Sawyer."

"Not your call, Eric." There was a self inflicted bitterness to the statement and Trent turned continuing toward the day training the next group of tier one operators.

Trent spent the day grateful it was a Friday and he could spend the weekend away from other people. The day however seemed to drag on indefinitely. It hadn't gone unnoticed that the rest of Bravo were absent. Trent was on edge, doing breathing exercises most of the morning, and failing to control his fear. The last straw would be a stupid question...

"I guess I just don't see the point. If a guy is hurt bad enough for a junctional tourniquet, is there really even a point? I mean pumping from his femoral, can he even be saved anyway?" The recruit had no way of knowing that he had just taken two of Trent's worst moments and smashed them together into a stupid question.

"Miller, you know that saying about the only stupid question being the one that isn't asked? Whoever said that had never met you. If a brother goes down the fucking point is to do everything you possibly fucking can. I'm done here. Go run hills." And Trent was done. Harrington would be pissed that he left at 11 in the morning but that could be dealt with on Monday.

Sitting at his kitchen table he was sure vanilla coffee would be an appropriate choice but he wanted whiskey. Wondering what his therapist would think he poured water into the machine and set the creamer on the table. It might be a good idea to call Kyle and see if the man had any appointments available early next week.

The therapy was helping. Trent knew the weekly appointments served a purpose and were needed but he had put his foot down at the idea of a grief support group. Kyle had stopped pushing the subject after Trent told him there was simply no way in hell.

He left a message for the therapist on his non-emergency line. Not wanting to say 'hey my brothers got spun up and I'm scared as hell not going with them' he instead said "I'm struggling and was wondering about availability of an appointment."

The day passed and Trent puttered around his house wishing he had some sort of big project to get done this weekend. The deck had been sealed 10 months prior. The kitchen painted just a year ago.

When Trent realized it was nearing 5pm and Kyle hadn't called him back he knew he needed to do something to keep his fears at bay. Driving to Ray's he hoped he wasn't bothering Naima. The confusion on her face when she opened the door was replaced with fear and Trent quickly realized he should have called.

"Naima he's fine, I'm sure. I should have called."

Naima smiled at him with relief in her eyes. "He's fine but you're not. Come in Trent." She stepped aside to give him entry. "How can I help?"

"Honestly I was kind of hoping you might need some help around here. Any projects Ray's been slacking on?"

The laugh from her made him smile. "Trent, Ray's been home for four months with the rest of you at Green Team. Everything is done." Naima was in her scrubs and the kids weren't underfoot.

"Well I'll get out if your hair then... but if a pipe breaks or something I'm your guy."

"Of course. You'll be back with them soon right?" She wasn't the type to pry and he knew the question was asked for Ray.

"Yeah I think so. Things are starting to make more sense... sorting everything out."

And he was sorting everything out. Things were making more sense. He felt better than he had in years.

The pounding on his door at one in the morning on Monday was sudden. Like a car accident. As he quickly made his way from his bed he could feel the fear rising, his heart beating faster, and his hands shaking.

On the other side of the door stood Derek, Alpha's 2IC. The man looked pale.

"Bravo is in trouble. Alpha is getting spun up. Let's go get our brothers."


	11. Chapter 11

Checking his med kit for the fifth time Trent knew he was as prepared as he would ever be. He wanted to pack more, to take an entire hospital with him but he could only carry so much. The 12 hour hike to his brothers last known location would be gruelling with what he already planned to take along. Getting his cold gear ready he sighed hoping they weren't too cold and considered adding more heat packs to his bag. No, he knew he had enough.

The Hindu Kush Mountains of Afghanistan have an average temperature of 35°F, it could be worse, colder. Comms had been lost after an ambush. Command hadn't said it but as he watched Alpha pack five HRPs he knew what the thinking above them was. Alpha tried to do it discretely but he had seen the Human Remains Pouches.

He looked to Eric. "That where we're at?"

Eric hadn't been surprised when Trent had accompanied Alpha. "Just being prepared for every possible outcome Trent..." Blackburn didn't look at him and he didn't know if he would ever forgive the man.

As Trent hiked toward the unknown he thought of his brothers and of Kate. He hoped she was with them watching over them and felt a bit like Ray. He wasn't sure when that had started but it didn't bother him enough to concentrate on it. He wondered if Brock was missing Cerb, the dog having not been suited for this op. He was sure Brock probably was but his best friend would also be grateful Cerb was safe. Sonny would be bitching about the cold, God he hoped Sonny was bitching. Clay would be going high and forsaking himself for his brothers, the kid's antics would probably be pissing Jason off at this point. It had been 36 hours since the ambush and 34 hours since anyone had heard from Bravo and they still had at least 6 hours to hike. Alpha was quiet as they continued. Trent was sure they were all questioning his place here, his ability to be here, but he also knew they were all in their own heads wondering how they would feel if it were their team.

As they approached Bravo's last know location hours later it was Trent yelling "Eagle, eagle, eagle." The silence that greeted him was deafening. Every fear he had of being too late rushed into the forefront of his mind. The silence lingered and the desperation in his voice calling 'eagle' echoed through the valley as Alpha shared glances and lowered their heads.

"BRAVO 4 TO ALL BRAVO CALL SIGNS RESPOND! EAGLE, EAGLE, EAGLE." Trent's composure breaking he screamed for his brother's.

"Alpha 1 to HAVOC base... no sign of Bravo."

The crackling of comms and the silence were defeating. The wind blowing cold air into his aching lungs Trent hit his knees. In the mountains he had let his brothers down once again but this time there would be no forgiveness. This time they wouldn't surround him and keep him safe. The only thing left to do was bring them home. Picturing the HRPs that Alpha carried Trent rose and stumbled forward.

In the fading light of day Trent resigned himself to find them. To allow Emma and Mikey to bury Jason beside Alana. To hold Naima up while she said her final goodbyes. He thought of Lisa back at HAVOC, of the pleading, begging look in her eyes. All he could do now was bring them home. He wondered if Clay had ever gotten Mia's number and knew he would take Cerb home with him. He wanted to lay where he was, to give up. To close his eyes and see Bravo waiting for him but instead he put one foot in front of the other searching the valley.

This was the most important mission Trent would ever be on and in his heart he knew that without Bravo it would be his last. He would bring them home. Fallen Eagle is what he had always feared for his brothers. The entirety of Bravo might be to much but he would do this for them.

'In the worst of conditions, the legacy of my teammates steadies my resolve and silently guides my every deed. I will not fail.' The warriors creed repeating within him, he trudged on.

The whimper in the distance caught him off guard. The sound was barely there. So faint he was almost sure he was imagining it but he surged forward.

"Sonny I can't.. please... Son, please...breathe." Clay's voice was like glass breaking. Nothing in his life had prepared Trent for the sight beyond the small rock outcropping. Clay with his left arm wrapped around his own chest holding himself was attempting to do chest compressions with his right. Trent immediately moved to take over

"Bravo 4 to Havoc I need immediate Medivac at this location."

"Trent... knew... you'd come." Breathless, Clay leaned back wincing and clearly in immense pain.

Trent could feel himself breaking Sonny's ribs but it wouldn't matter if he didn't start breathing again soon. "Clay get in my bag, epinephrine." Derek injected the drug as Clay slowly lost his battle with consciousness. It was after two more doses and five shocks from the defibrillator that Sonny's pulse returned. Derek continued bagging him as Trent turned to access the rest of his brothers.

There were medical supplies scattered in almost every direction. Empty saline and blood bags next to Jason and Ray who were laying side by side. Jason had a packed wound on the left side of his abdomen. Ray's head was wrapped but his breathing was steady. As Trent moved things around to get a better look he noticed something strange. Written on Jason's arm in what he assumed was marker were times and drugs. Temperatures were written on his neck. Turning back to Clay he noticed the sharpie in the kids left hand. He'd kept a chart... in...case. shit the Kid's hurt badly too. Ray and Jason continued to breathe so he moved to Clay.

"Hey Kid, hey wake up." The desperation in his own voice terrified Trent.

"Argh... Trent... so tired... listen... Jace.. shot, 'nfected meds.. gave 'em... Ray head... out since... 'rock his pelvis... bad, shattered maybe...T'ent. Sonny...oh god Sonny." Clay tried his damnedest to get up, the hand holding him down told him to settle. "Crush i'jury stopped breathin' twice." Clay had gotten him back once. Trent was shocked he had been capable of doing it in his current state.

"Clay look at me... you Clay, where are you hurt?

"... 'm good. Get 'em Tr'nt."

The thump of helo blades stopped further conversation as Trent and Alpha readied Bravo for evac. It hit his all at once. As his brothers were loaded onto the helos headed to safety he leaned back on his heels and cried.


	12. Chapter 12

The whirling wind and thump of helo blades surrounded him. His eyes slipped closed and he pictured his brothers. Jason laughing with his children. Ray holding Naima. Sonny smiling at Davis. Brock throwing a ball to Cerberus. Clay burning toast. If he never saw them again this is who they would always be to him.

He would remember them that way. It would take a lifetime but he would forget the feeling of breaking Sonny's ribs beneath his hands while desperately fighting to save the Texan. He would let the vital signs written on Jason's broken body fade away. Ray's limpness, the swelling distorting his facial features would dissipate with time in his memory. The guttural scream from a barely conscious Brock as his shattered body was moved by Alpha would not echo within him forever. Clay's broken and shifting sternum as he did everything in his power to save them would not be how he remembered Bravo.

Shaking away the thoughts he reopened his eyes when he felt Derek's hand on his knee. He owed Alpha a few cases for breaking protocol and notifying him. For allowing his to join their rescue mission...even if they believed it was a recovery. If this was their end Trent felt steadied in thw fact that they might have known he was there.

As the helo touched down he was met by Blackburn. "They made it here. You did good Trent.

"Clay did good, Eric. What are their conditions?"

In the waiting room Trent watched as Davis prayed. She had no way of knowing how bad it was but she wasn't a stupid woman and would know it was bad. Trying not to disturb her he sat a row of chairs away, waiting for her to look in his direction. He thought of Kate. He thought of the night he lost her. If this was Sonny's last day Lisa would remember every moment for the rest of her days.

"Davis..." Lisa lifted her head looking up to him.

"I'm glad you came Trent. They'd want you here." She wanted to be angry. Wanted to curse at him for not being with them to begin with but she knew that he probably already felt that and that Sonny would never forgive her for blaming his brother.

"Yeah" He wanted more than anything to tell her it would all be okay. That Sonny was tough and would pull through, but the last image, he was desperately trying to shake, of Sonny wasn't tough and he was scared of lying to her on what very well could be the worst day of her life.

From Afghanistan Bravo team was sent to Germany for further treatment and eventual return to Virginia Beach. It wouldn't be until they landed in Germany that Trent would get to be with Bravo again.

Sitting in Clay's room Trent awaited his return to the waking world. Seventeen hours after landing Clay was finally beginning to stir. "Hey Kid stay still. I know it hurts but you're safe."

Clay's eyes flickered open searching the room. They locked on Trent's with fear and chaos behind the blue. The look Trent saw on Spenser's face was the absolute terror.

He gasped and reached for his chest holding his breath and pulling at his IV. His eyes pleading with Trent and then the nurse to help him. Trent reached for the morphine pump intended for self-administering the drug and Clay slipped back into oblivion. It was decided that he would remain sedated until at least the next day.

Two days later they finally allowed him to wake. Trent watched the monitors closely waiting for signs of repeated distress. "Clay I'm here."

"Bravo?" It was more of groan than a word.

"Here. In Germany. You did it Clay." Trent felt horrible that he had done this to their kid and he vowed to himself to never let it happen again. "Go back to sleep kid."

He sat in that room for what felt like 100 years. Sat until his ass was numb and then switching things up he paced a bit. Checked his phone a few times. Davis occasionally updating him on Sonny and Jason in adjoining ICU rooms. Blackburn letting him know Ray was stable but still unconscious and roomed with a very drugged Brock. And then he'd sit back down to let his ass go numb again.

It was on the third day that it was decided that a surgical repair would be needed to stop the decompression of Clay's broken sternum. The bones would be sutured together to promote healing in the proper position. Trent wasn't sure if it was the stress, the worry, the lack of sleep, or the endless coffee he was drinking but his hands shook as they wheeled Clay away.

The sight of Davis asleep, her head down on the bed, leaning forward and holding Sonny's hand nearly broke him. Clutching onto her love. Trent hoped it wouldn't be obvious to others but he doubted she cared anymore. The only thing that mattered was the beep of a heart monitor and the swoosh of a ventilator. The bruising that spread up Sonny from the collar of the hospital gown was like a dark storm at sunset. The blues and purples were so dark they might have been beautiful to Trent if not for their location.

He stood in the doorway, hands shaking, a voyeur into this pain. Sonny was strong and Lisa was stronger but Trent wasn't sure either were strong enough for this. This broke people in a way that they would never come back from. "Anyone, and everyone can be broken" He hadn't realized he was speaking aloud.

"Trent..." Jason lifted his head and attempted to sit.

"Jace. Easy man." Now at his side offering water to sip on.

"Got handed a shit sandwich on this one..." The wince was obvious as he adjusted his position. "Knew you'd come. Kid knew it too."

It was those words that caused Trent to wince as well. "Yeah."

"He awake?" Jason clearly had been updated on his men. Trent's presence not a surprise, no questions about anyone but the man Trent had been sitting vigil with for days.

"Has been.. no really coherent. They took him for a surgical repair of his sternum." Trent finally appearing in his room now made sense to Jason... Clay was in surgery.

"Not your fault you know."

"I know... I do... it's just uh hard knowing Clay... knowing what he went through." The guilt in his eyes was something Jason feared would never leave.

Lisa tried not to interupt the moment but her neck hurt and she had to pee. Shifting slightly she wished that Sonny would hold her hand back. That he would tighten his fingers and hold on as she pulled away but his hand was limp. Warm but limp.

"I'm gonna get some coffee... either of you need anything?" Her eyes were darker than Trent remembered.

"I've had enough." He held out a shaking hand to prove the point.

Once she was gone Trent went to Sonny's bedside and flipped through his chart. Crush injuries. Damn the kid wasn't kidding. Six broken ribs...Trent wondered how many he himself had broken. Pulmonary contusion... his lungs were so bruised they were bleeding and needed the help of a vent to function. The surgery to stop his internal bleeding elsewhere had lasted four hours and taken part of his liver. When he woke he would be joking about regrowing his liver until he realized he wouldn't be drinking for a very long time... if he woke up. Trent couldn't help his thoughts from drifting to the place he forbid himself from going but it was getting slightly easier to shake the thoughts.

"Trent... can I ask you something?" Davis shuffled back into the room holding a coffee and what appeared to be a pastry she was trying to pass to him.

"Of course." She could always ask him anything, this road would be long and he needed her to know that much at least.

"How'd Clay do it? I mean he's wrecked himself." Trent didn't have an answer. He wished he could give her one but he simply didn't know.

"Willpower and training." Jason's words caused them both to turn around.

"Boss?"

"He cried, he begged, he cursed, he talked to you Trent. Always told you what he was doing as he was doing it...'more fluids cause the bloods gone Trent' or 'Is this right?' And 'damn it Trent I can't get this bleeding to stop' one time it was 'Trent you better hurry I'm giving Brock the last of the morphine but I can't listen to his screams anymore.' He did it through willpower and training." Jason's eyes had misted over at the memory.

Lisa struggled to catch her breath and Trent sagged into the closest chair. His mind wandered back to that valley... to the whimper that alerted him to Bravo's location. The whimper that he now realized was more than a whimper "Tr'nt..." It was a prayer.


	13. Chapter 13

Clay knew he was hospitalized. Had vague memories of Trent. Trent in the valley. Trent telling him he did good. Trent sitting with him... but without memories of the rest of Bravo he forced himself into reality. He simply had to wake. Struggling he tried to shift only to realize the pain wasn't worth any change in position. Instead he cracked his eyes against the light of the room. Breathing was hard but he vaguely remembered it being harder.

"Felt like my insides were crunching together." It was the first intelligible thing he had said in almost a week.

"Crepitus... you felt that?" The nod from Clay was accompanied with a questioning look in his eyes. "You broke your sternum. They did surgery yesterday to fix it."

"Trent... it was b-bad, really bad. Did they... did they all make it?" The stutter in his voice caused Trent to reach out to his brother.

"They made it Clay." The details could wait. Grabbing Clay's hand he realized he was practicing sniper breathing and Clay was suddenly mimicking him. So that is what they did, they breathed together until Clay drifted back to sleep.

Once Clay was sleeping soundly and now that he was coherent Trent felt safe enough to wander to the room that housed Ray and Brock. Blackburn looked sadly at him as he entered and Trent knew he could no longer hold the anger towards him for preparing for their deaths.

"How are they?" He asked as he moved to Ray's bedside and browsed through his chart. Grade 3 concussion with a subdural hematoma. The anticonvulsant medication instantly made Trent wonder if Clay had watched Ray having seizures. The surgical drain to relieve the pressure in his skull made him wonder if Naima was currently on a flight to Germany. Glancing up he saw Blackburn staring at him as he read.

"About the same. Ray hasn't woken yet, Brock is high on morphine. He sleeps most of the time but when's he's awake... he's mumbling to himself, sometimes crying, mostly begging for more morphine." And that moved Trent to Bravo 5's bedside. The chart was nothing less than horrifying to Trent. He had no idea how Clay had kept Brock alive other than the fact that Brock might be the most stubburn human he knew. An open book pelvis fracture. His bones were literally splitting him in half. Trent's mind went back to Brock's animalistic screams at being moved... There was no way Clay had moved Brock from where he had been injured, Trent prayed they had been together at the time of injury... otherwise Clay had moved three men with a broken sternum himself. The thought was dizzying and made Trent's own chest hurt.

"Haven't gotten to the AARs yet but Jason has been able to fill in some blanks... they were ambushed and Jason took a round under his armor while trying to get to Ray and Sonny who had somehow ended up under a rock slide. Brock and Clay fell about 30 feet attempting to cover Jason. Clay...he saved them all... there is talk from Brass of medals." Blackburn looked at his men with a mix of admiration and fear wondering how any would come back from this.

"He deserves it. I don't think..." Trent stopped seeing Brock's hand moving.

"Hey brother." Trent forward.

"Trent... hurts."

"I know Brock."

"Clay... he's gonna need you." Brock let the tears slip down his face.

"I know." Trent's tears fell for the first time since leaving the valley.

Blackburn stepped out in time to not hear Brock's response. Maybe that's why Brock didn't hold back or maybe it was that he had trusted Trent with his life for years. It didn't matter once he said it though.

"No Trent..." grinding his teeth and breathing through pain Brock continued. "You don't understand... I asked him for morphine." Exhaling Brock lowered his eyes as Trent nodded. "I asked him for too much morphine. I asked him to end it." The sob that escaped Brock was worse than his screams earlier.

Ativan and morphine lulled Brock back into a blissful but restless sleep. Trent stood by his bed for at least an hour watching his broken brother and knowing the events of the valley would haunt them all. He longed for Virginia. For home and to go back in time to before this mission but the only place he could go back to was Clay's room. So he did.

"You're awake." Trent knew he would be more comfortable after the surgery but seeing him up after being down for so long still surprised him.

"Yeah... how are they?"

"Jason is good, his infection is under control. They noted your 'chart' in his actual chart. Helped them a lot actually... might need a sharpie in my med bag. Ray is still unconscious. The doctor's drilled into his skull to relieve the pressure and have him on anticonvulsives to stop the seizures." He had a million questions for Clay but the way he gave him information answered the question of Ray's convulsions in the valley. Clay nodded in understanding. "Sonny is on a vent to allow his lungs time to heal. He's sedated for now and we won't know if he was without oxygen for too long until he wakes. Brock..." just saying Bravo 5's name caused him to pause. "He's had three surgeries. One in Afghanistan to stabilize his pelvis to get him here and two here to get it into the proper position to heal. Clay, he was awake. He told me..." Trent left it hanging to see the Kid's response.

"Trent, it was the worst moment if my life. I wanted to make it all stop too. I don't know what I would have done... Trent... I didn't have enough morphine to kill him left. I gave him all I had to make the screaming stop. I don't know if I would have..."

"Clay, listen to me brother. You wouldn't. You never would have."

"How do you know?" Clay's searching eyes locked on his.

"Because I know you Clay. I trained you. I made sure if I couldn't be there you would be." He didn't break the eye contact.

"I wish you had been there." The tears welled in his eyes threatened to escape.

"Me too, Clay."


	14. Chapter 14

_His twin sons were playing in the back yard. All of four years old their giggles echoed to the patio where he was drinking the lemonade she had assured him little fingers hadn't stirred. The boys always seemed to be getting into something they shouldn't be in. Their dark hair and blue eyes always their alibi. Too cute to yell at he was told. Little Sawyer always seemed to have chocolate on his little face and his nose in a book, while Spenser had now only broken his left arm twice. 'That boy was maybe a little too brave' Sonny thought to himself as he watched the boy stand at the top of the slide._

_Lisa wearing a soft cotton sundress walked outside smiling at her boys. He loved the way her smile started in her eyes when she watched them. He loved everything about Lisa Quinn. Especially her last name. _

"Where is she?" The force of waking hit Sonny like a weight. Panic filled him. Where were his boys? Where was Lisa?

"Hey brother, stay calm. You're okay." Clay was struggling to get himself out of the chair and get to Sonny. The sedation was wearing off hours earlier than expected and Davis had been sent to rack out by both Jason and Blackburn. It was a mistake to make her go.

"No...where are they?" The confusion in Sonny's eyes was growing as Trent stepped closer while also reaching toward Clay to steady the man.

"Take a breath, Son. We're here and Davis will be back soon. Jace is going to call her now. We're home in Virginia." Jason was already on his phone.

"Davis?" The question worried the three men in the room. "Where's Sawyer? Is Spenser here?"

"We're here buddy. Right here." Clay said it with fear and eyes toward Trent. Sonny didn't use their last names unless angry but this wasn't angry and it scared Clay.

"Sonny it's okay. You're confussed. You've been through hell and it's all okay." Calming Sonny was Trent's only mission.

"I'm not fucking confussed Trent! Where is my family? Where are my sons? My wife?" Sonny wasn't making sense and was now fully panicking while yelling for a family none of them knew.

"Sonny I'm here, I'm here cowboy." Lisa hadn't gone far and was already rushing to his room when she heard the yelling.

Her affect on him was instant, the fight in him melted away. "I've missed you Mrs. Quinn."

"Shhh Cowboy. Just rest now." Her years of training and years of friendship with Sonny hid the terror she felt as he drifted back to sleep.

"What the fuck?" Jason shifted uncomfortably as Clay leaned on the wall behind him.

"He's confussed. Been through hell. Hopefully his thoughts will become more clear with time." It wasn't the answer any of them wanted but it was the only one Trent had.

The next time Sonny woke was calmer. His eyes opening slightly to glance at Davis and he was back to neverland. The cycle repeated for a day and Davis refused to leave his side as he fought with unconsciousness.

Trent made the rounds between his brothers. Brock still heavily drugged rarely made sense but had started to ask for Cerb. They would all count that as a win and planned to sneak the dog in somehow. Ray was showing progress toward waking. His intracranial pressure approaching normal. Naima by his side. Jason would be released within a day or so and Clay had already been, although he refused to leave the hospital and the nurses had made it clear his bed was still available if needed. And need it he did.

Trent knew when he left Brock and Ray's room after talking to Naima that Clay hadn't gone there yet. It made sense that he would seek his conscious team leader. It made sense that he would want to be there when his best friend woke but Trent knew. Clay way avoiding the men he couldn't help more. There was nothing he could do to help Ray's seizures in the field. There was nothing he could do for Brock.

"You gonna avoid it forever?" It was a simple question to the man lying in his discharged hospital bed.

"Planned to. You have issues with that?" The spitting anger a relief to Trent. Clay had been zombie-like since their return to the States.

"I do."

"What is it you want from me Trent? You want me to go in their and tell him it's all good? It not all good. None of this is good. Sonny's awake but might be... what'd you call it cognitively impaired? Ray might never wake up and Brock... well Brock asked me to kill him so pardon me if I need a minute to process shit."

"Clay all I'm saying is maybe seeing him would help." Trent's voice was calm and steady as Clay raged.

"You know what it might. It also MIGHT NOT! Why don't you just run along Trent? Maybe a trip? Why don't you just turn your back and hightail it to Cali for a bit? I'm sure we'll all survive without you right?" The bitterness in his voice made Trent cringe away from him.

"That's fair Clay. You need someone to be angry with? I'll be that guy for you. Hate me if you want but that doesn't change what happened. It doesn't make it all go away and eventually you will have to face it." Trent thought of Kyle.

"I don't want to hate you. I do hate you. I hate you for putting this on me. You were supposed to be there Trent. You left me to watch them all die. You're supposed to..." The tears that fell were angry and desperate. "I didn't, couldn't... and now I can't close my fucking eyes without seeing it all. Ray so swollen he didn't look human anymore. Sonny bleeding internally and knowing there wasn't a shitting thing I could do. I packed Jason and prayed to Ray's God. But fuck it was Brock screaming and I'll never not hear it." Clay lowered his eyes as the he tried to control the sobs that felt like they were ripping his broken chest apart.

"Get up. Since you already hate me I guess it doesn't matter if I piss you off." And Clay sat forward allowing Trent to guide him from the bed.

Standing outside the room that contained Brock and Ray with Naima at his side Clay felt his body tremble. Trent put a hand on his shoulder. Exhaling slowly he reaching a shaking hand to the door handle.

"I'm not sure I can do this." Attempting to shuffle backwards Trent's hand urged him forward.

"I'm not sure there is anything you can't do Kid." It was Jason's voice joining them that gave him the strength he needed to push the door open.

Niama was at his side and wrapping him in her arms before he knew he was even in the room. He felt like he was underwater. Like he would never feel air in his lungs again.

"Thank you Clay. Thank you for bringing him home." Naima's words caused the dam to break and he could no longer hold back the days since the valley that he was to hurt, exhausted, and scared to count.

He sobbed despite the pain in his chest. He cried for the hours alone with what he thought were his dying brothers, for the lack of supplies, for the fear. He bawled for the fever he couldn't stop, the seizues he had no way to control, the declining respirations he was forced to count until they stopped. He wept for running out of morphine without enough to end Brock's misery.

The nurses came and went checking the two sleeping men they were charged with caring for. They glanced to Jason, to Trent then at the weeping Clay. There was talk of sedation and Trent shook his head. Clay needed this. Needed to feel it. Eventually like a child he cried himself to sleep in the recliner between his brothers.

Clay woke to a hand on his head as he leaned sideways. The hand was almost petting him and for a moment he felt like Cerb... Brock was awake. Clay could feel every muscle in his body tighten at the realization.

"Guess we gotta talk." Brock would have rather sat with his hand in Clay's hair knowing his brother was finally resting.

"Yeah I guess." He stayed in the chair but sat up more and turned towards Brock. The room was now empty of everyone expect the sleeping Ray. He wondered where they all went and if they had orchestrated this conversation.

"I know what I asked of you Clay." His eyes pleading for understanding.

"Would you have asked Trent?" Somehow that was important.

"I doubt it... he wouldn't have done it."

"But you knew I would."

"I thought so... you'd do anything for us Clay even if it killed you." Brock's blue green eyes meeting his.

"Or you?" Clay stated more that questioned.

"Yeah I guess. The thing is... I wasn't thinking right. Never felt pain like that... there's not a thing SERE can teach you about that kind of pain. There was no dealing with it... it still fucking hurts and I'm not sure how much of that is just the memory of what it felt like before."

The groan from the other bed grabbed both men's attention. Clay shifted towards Ray and Brock hit the call botton knowing neither of them could summon the nurse by getting up. "Welcome back, brother."

"Naima."

The flurry of activity in the room was sudden. Ray was surrounded by multiple nurses and doctors. Clay was removed. It would be hours before anyone other than Naima was allowed back. The only information they had coming from text messages to Davis from her. Eventually the one they needed the most - Ray was Ray. He was sleeping now and they should too.

Clay wandered the halls restless for what felt like days but was more likely a few hours. His brothers were all here. All safe. It was past midnight when he felt a small hand on his arm as he passed the nurses desk for at least the fiftieth time.

"Hey sailor, you planning to get some sleep tonight?" Mia smiled up at him with worried eyes.

"Probably should..." Clay couldn't help but smile back at her.

"Your bed is still available."

"You knew I was here?" He hadn't seen her before now.

"Yeah. I heard what happened and figured you needed space." She looked down.

"You avoiding me?" He was slightly hurt.

"No just giving you time with your family to work things out." The honesty shown through. "Now go to bed."

Walking into the darkened room Clay thought he'd entered the wring room. The figure on the bed shifted and he saw that it was Trent. The man occupying the space started to move to give up the bed.

"Trent... stay. When's the last time you slept brother?" Trent stopped moving halfway off the bed at the word 'brother'. "I'm sorry. I don't really know what else to say." Clay lowered himself onto the bed facing him.

"Neither do I. Clay was you did is unimaginable. I don't know if I could do it." Trent leaned back against the pillows the lack of sleep catching up to him.

"You could have. No choice. At least you know what to do."

"You do too Clay. You did it." Trent's eyes were slipping.

"Only because I pretended you were with me... sometimes I could almost see you. It was scary." Trent sat forward trying to fight his tiredness and put a hand in Clay's shoulder.

"I know." Leaning forward Trent wrapped his arms around Clay.

In the morning after his own discharge from the hospital Jason stopped to check on Ray and Brock. Both were awake and seemed to be functional. Having just left Sonny he knew that the man was much more aware of reality. Three down and two to go Jason thought as he wondered where Trent and Clay were hiding. Walking into Clay's old room that the kind nurses had allowed the family of Bravo to keep he saw the men. Laying side by side and both sound asleep sharing a hospital bed.


	15. Chapter 15

Surprisingly it was Ray who was released after Jason. Excluding a headache that felt like the worst hangover he had ever felt he was fine. Naima fussed and Trent told him to take it easy but with no memory of the valley he insisted he was fine. Sonny, who was going stir crazy, was let go next. It was only after assuring the doctors that he would have at home care. It had raised eyebrows amongst Bravo but even Blackburn stayed quiet about who would be helping him. Brock took slightly longer. He needed to be weened off the intravenous narcotics before it would even be a consideration. Said weening took longer than expected and in addition to an increase in his pain level he also had to fight through the withdraw of the strong medications.

It was almost four weeks after their return to U.S. soil that the last if Bravo was discharged from the hospital. Clay had only returned to his apartment to gather more of his things. Trent's couch had become his bed. Trent didn't argue with him about it preferring to keep his brother close while also knowing that medically it was unnecessary. The spare room at Trent's was not set up as a bedroom. Boxes and totes were piled everywhere. In one corner there were medical textbooks that Clay insisted on buying a bookcase for instead of moving them to the garage as Trent had wanted. A bed was purchased and Brock was brought home. The man was wheelchair bound and Cerb was insistent that Clay throw the ball for hours each day. Clay wanted to run the dog but hadn't been cleared to do so yet.

It was on Brock's fourth day "home" that Sonny had showed up at Trent's door. Lisa was sitting in the car in the driveway watching as Clay pulled Sonny into a hug and then into the house. Trent was helping Brock in the bathroom... bathing him maybe Clay wasn't certain. Sonny wasn't saying anything just standing with downcast eyes that Clay saw tears filling. Doing the only thing he could think to do he texted Jason and Ray. The text was short and to the point. -team meeting. Trent's house. Now.-

Trent pushed Brock in his chair into livingroom to be greated by Sonny staring at nothing on a blank wall. Clay was in the kitchen. Trent hoped the man wasn't trying to cook, Clay tended to burn things.

"Sonny, you okay?" Brock's words broke through to him.

"No." A one word answer from the normally animated Texan was never a good thing.

"Jace and Ray are on the way." Clay walked into the room and sat down.

The knock on the door as it opened wasn't asking permission but announcing their arrival. Ray was carrying pizza. Jason felt slightly silly carrying soda instead of beer but most couldn't drink due to meds and injury or a combination of the two.

"I'm struggling." It was the most vulnerable any of them had seen Sonny since the torpedo tube.

"We all are." The chuckle that escaped Clay didn't lighten the mood.

"I'm not sure for the same reasons though." And he wasn't. Sonny remembered some of what had happened but it was in flashes. And the inbetween is what was haunting him.

"Son, you're gonna need to elaborate on that." Jason had known this was coming. A team meeting to rehash the hell of the valley but he wasn't ready for it. Wasn't sure any of them were.

Sonny continued to stare aimlessly and it was Ray who reached out to him. His hand on Sonny's shoulder. "Sonny... we can't help you if you don't tell us brother."

"It's just um... have you ever had a dream that was so vivid, so real, you never wanted it to end?" Sonny's eyes dropped to the floor.

"I have." Trent watched his brother with concern.

"It started in the valley. I was with Lisa. The thing is though that then I knew it was a dream. I would wake up to you." He looked to Clay. "And I knew the difference. Knew you were real and she was the dream but somehow... I stopped knowing that."

"What are you saying Sonny?" Brock was sore and tried from the effort of Trent helping him bath.

"I'm saying I miss the dream." His red rimmed eyes met Brock's tired ones.

"I watched her drop you here brother. You have her for real." Clay wasn't going to mention who dropped him off but they all knew anyway.

"Do I? I mean it's against regs. And..." he stopped himself from saying more.

"And? And what Son?" Ray wondered where this was going but also knew pushing wouldn't help.

"And we had a family."

"Oh my God... did dream Sonny name his kids Sawyer and Spenser?" The laughter was unstoppable and burned his chest as he clutched it but Clay couldn't help it.

"Clay! Knock it off. Now!" The stern message from Bravo 1 stopped him.

"Yeah... I guess I did. Thanks for being an asshole about it." The curl in his lips letting them all know his feelings hadn't been hurt by the outburst.

"Little hurt brother. I mean Brock has a nicer ring to it and I'm sure 'Lisa' would agree." Saying her name in a different tone Brock smilled.

"Jason or even Ray... I mean come on Sonny." Jason's laugh joined.

"Well that settles that. I'll call Davis and let her know it has to be 5 sons!" Ray couldn't help but think of how Naima would respond to a call like that and laughter filled his voice.

Trent watched his brothers laughing and smiled. Back in that valley he had never imagined this moment was possible. Any more moments with them a possibility. "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death." The shadow hadn't taken them... hadn't taken his brothers. The alarm beeping on his phone indicated he had an appointment with Kyle in an hour but for now he would sit here.

"Hey Trent, tell that therapist of yours, you aren't missing another op." Clay looked around at his brothers smiling and nodding in agreement. "No I'm serious guys that was it, his only time."


End file.
